On Being Wrong

So, I don't think I'll be confessing a deep dark secret, but I have anxiety issues.  I will go months, sometimes years, without being plagued by the problem.  However, the last month has awakened the sleeping dragon.  I hate anxiety.  It is, at times, debilitating.  It robs me of joy.  It robs me of being present, because I am so busy living in a future filled with fear.

I know that anxiety is selfish, and the cure I have often found is helping others. It takes the focus off of myself, and allows me to use the gifts God has given me. I have four children and one husband, so one would think that I would have my hands full focusing on others.

Not so with me. After all, my people sleep, and while they sleep I can research LQTS till my eyes cross.

Lee and I handle stress very differently, and that's no news flash. I suppose if we both went into panic mode our family would always be in crisis. As it is, I am great in the crash, and Lee is great during the clean-up.  I keep calm, cool, and collected when the storm begins, but when the crisis is over I tend to fall apart. Lee, on the other hand, tends to panic during the crisis, but pull it together for the aftermath. It works for us, really well, most of the time.

I was starting to get my head around the reality of Long QT syndrome.  I was making dinner, doing laundry, and starting to think, "You know what, Kara Shepherd?  This is all going to be okay."

My husband came home and said, "Look what I have for you!"

I was so excited! I thought he had flowers, or a gift card for a pedicure, or a nanny.

Boy was I surprised.

My husband had a puppy.  A tiny, black, puppy, that would require potty training, obedience training, and constant watching.

Grrrrreat.  Emphasis on the grrrrrr.

I couldn't believe it. This man of mine has no idea how much time a puppy requires, what this is going to do to our lives.  I could envision my homeschool day turning into pee pee pads, and wrestling matches over who gets to hold the new puppy.  We have an extremely active three-year old, I could not think about how to manage a puppy on top of my already busy life.

In private I asked Lee what the heck he was thinking.  Apparently he was thinking this would be a great distraction from our problems. I thought this would be the straw that broke the camel's back, this tiny little puppy.  I was thinking that this one be ONE MORE THING on my too-much-to-do list.  I was thinking this was not what our family needed right now.

The next morning I got up to let the little guy out.  The kids named him Sirius Black. I'm standing out there in the freezing cold, a winter coat over my pajamas, telling this little black puppy to go potty.  I took him in and fixed his breakfast. The kids came down one by one, each taking their turn to roll around on the floor with Sirius.  Our other dog loves him.  What is cuter than watching two dogs play, especially when one of them only weighs 7 pounds?

It was two days later when I finally realized I was wrong about this dog deal. Since Sirius landed in our home I have not had time to research LQTS, or worry obsessively about my children's future, and the little sucker is just fun to play with. So, I was wrong, my husband one was right. For once, says the pastor's wife.

This seems to be the theme for the year:  Accept the gifts you are given, and stop longing for what you don't have. 

I would not have chosen this puppy at this time, just like I would not have chosen for my children to have to worry for their health. Yet, this is my lot. I do have a new puppy, and LQTS does run in my family. I accept the challenge of both, head on.  It's funny that my word for the year is allow, especially in the midst of so much change. 

That God of mine.  He is one funny dude.

P.S.

For now, Laurel has not been officially diagnosed with LQTS, but has started on beta blockers because her EKG was suspicious.  Genetic testing will give us more information.  Liam and Spencer seem to be in the clear, for now anyway.  We're doing fine, on all fronts.Thanks for your prayers, my friends.  xo  K