I've been feeling a little glum lately. A little like 'what's the point to all this'? I am the proverbial hamster on the wheel. I do the laundry, I plan the meals. Heck, sometimes I even make the meals. I encourage and enforce school work. I attempt to stay on top of household chores.
This week, though, I took a look at my family and realized something. They are living the good life. I am the one wanting the house to look nice. 'Tidy' is actually the word I like to use. I feel like "Let's tidy the house" is way less confrontational than "Let's clean the house." When the kids were little I would declare 'Cleaning Party", and blast Bohemian Rhapsody , while getting my clean on, and the kids would gladly join in. These days, though, when I allude to domestic work, my people act all compliant, but the minute my back is turned they scatter like leaves in the wind. They're good, too, because they go one at a time, not all at once. I'll plug in the vacuum, then turn around and one of the kids is missing. Then I go to find that kid, come back and find the vacuum still running, but no kid there. Ugh. It's like hide-and-go-seek minus the counting. And fun.
I started paying attention to my kids this week. They seem carefree and fun-loving. I want to feel carefree and be fun-loving. I decided I was missing out on being a kid. So I decided to be a kid, shed my adult responsibilities, and kiss schedules and chore charts goodbye. I knew that, in time, they would miss the order that I create.
So, here's what I did. I acted like my kids.
I stared blankly while people asked me questions that needed answers. I would blandly respond with, "Huh?" or "Uh-huh.", then go back to blankly staring.
I answered, "Okay" whenever I was asked to do something, but then I never did the thing I had been asked to do.
I didn't eat anything except peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread.
Anytime anyone made a suggestion that might be remotely helpful, I rolled my eyes. If it was really helpful I rolled my eyes really hard.
I sat on the toilet playing Angry Birds AND drank a Mountain Dew. Yes, at the same time.
I did not flush the toilet, however.
I did shove fistfuls of tissue down the sink just for the heck of it.
I left every pair of shoes I owned scattered about the house, then sat on the floor and cried while yelling, "I can't find my shoes!"
I told my family I was going to shower, ran the water, but really just stood in the bathroom smearing toothpaste on various items. Also, I poured out half a bottle of shampoo so people would think that I had, indeed, showered.
I led my family to believe that I had let the dog outside, when in actuality I had not. Then I acted all surprised when she peed by the back door.
I went into the pantry and ate spoonfuls of icing, then left the spoon in the icing.
I snuck the icing out of the pantry, sat on the couch and hid the icing in my lap under a pillow. When I saw someone coming I hid the spoon in the couch and gave the dog the icing container. Then I acted all shocked when the dog was found passed out with her nose in a container of icing.
I wore the clothes to bed I wanted to wear the next day to save some trouble.
I told my husband I was filling in the family calendar but was really watching youtube.
When someone did something I did not like I just threw my head back and screamed.
While at the library, when one of my children said they were going to the bathroom, I yelled, "Number one or number two?"
I drank the last of the milk but then put the empty jug back in the fridge.
If I could not find an item that I wanted, say a book, I waited until there was a child in the bathroom and then opened the door to have a conversation with them about where my missing book might be.
After the day was done, and I was truly tuckered out, I climbed into bed, turned out the light and made howler monkey noises until my husband asked me if he needed to call 911.
Overall, my experiment was unsuccessful. My children didn't even mark my behavior as odd.
My husband simply said, "So, you've finally joined our team?"
I think what he really meant was, "We need you back."
I'm going to bed. I've got a lot of catching up to do.